October 28th, 2009

ppbk cover

To Whom Are We Trying To Prove Ourselves

cross-posted from http://blog.cherylreneeherbsman.com

As I've mentioned before, I'm a dreamer. I always have my eye on the next dream, always strive to reach it. It's part of who I am. It's part of how I made a long-distance relationship last over many years and part of how I reached the dream of publication. But it doesn't stop there, because there's always the next dream. And I find that longing for a dream to come true is bittersweet -- full of both hope and fear.

Why fear? Because WHAT IF it doesn't come true? We've talked here about what-ifs before, how they don't serve us. Yet I forget that again and again. And sometimes I feel like I can't be happy until the goal is reached. But isn't that what I said about the last goal? That it would make me happy and fulfilled? And it did... until it didn't anymore. I was reminded of this idea this morning when I received my daily note from Mike Dooley's notes from the Universe. 
They are these little spiritual reminders that are kind of fun.

We're always looking for that next person or dream or thing that will bring us joy and excitement and satisfaction, that something that will make us feel proud or loved or special. Many spiritual traditions suggest that you have to "be the outcome" before you can find that thing you're looking for -- you know like love yourself as you are before you can lose the weight or feel happy and proud of yourself before you can accomplish your goal. It's sort of backward to our usual way of thinking. Feel the end result in order to make it happen.

But I guess the thing is if I can start out feeling calm and joyful, self-assured and confident, proud and satisfied, then I'll still do what I was doing -- going after the same dream. The only difference would be that I'd be going after it without the fear and without the need to prove to myself or anyone else that I'm worthy of the dream.

Peaceful dreaming to ya'