September 30th, 2009

ppbk cover

A Secret to Life :)

cross-posted from

Here it is: One of life's greatest secrets: We actually do know.

You know how you go through the day with people asking you what you want for lunch, what movie you want to go see, what you want to do with your life, etc. And how often do we say, "IDK!" Well, actually you do too. There's a part of us that knows the answers to all our questions. And I'm not meaning to sound all religious or wacky. But I was looking back through some old journals from when I was in graduate school. And I would write something like, "I've never been this unhappy. Should I think about leaving this program?" Followed of course by "I don't know. How do I figure this out?" Um, hello! Of course I knew what I wanted to do.

I was just afraid -- afraid of being a quitter, afraid of not living up to some imaginary parental figure who would be disappointed, afraid of failing, afraid of not knowing what to do next, of not finding a path that made me happy. But none of that adds up to not knowing. I knew after my first year that I was miserable. I didn't leave until after my third year. Two more years of writing "should I or shouldn't I? I don't know!" I left myself little hints all the time and then I'd quickly back away from those hints. Because I was afraid to know. I've learned to watch the hints I leave for myself now. To pay attention to those. Because really and truly -- we do too know. Own that. And watch what happens.

Enjoy your knowing. Keep a journal. Watch for hints. See where it takes you.

Dream big